There are many good reasons for drinking
- Filed under: limericks
- Date: Feb 28,2009
There are many good reasons for drinking,
And one has just entered my head,
If a man can’t drink while he’s living,
How the hell can he drink when he’s dead!
An Irish daughter had not been home
- Filed under: jokes
- Date: Feb 25,2009
An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cussed her. “Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?
The girl, crying, replied, “Sniff, sniff….dad….I became a prostitute….
“Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You’re a disgrace to this family.”
“OK, dad– as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million.
For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside plus a Membership to the country club… (takes a breath)….and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and….”
“Now what was it ye said ye had become?” says dad. Girl, crying again, “Sniff, sniff….a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff.”
“Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a ‘Protestant’. Come here and give yer old man a hug!”
HOW TO HANDLE IRRITATING SEATMATES
- Filed under: jokes
- Date: Feb 24,2009
If you are sitting next to someone who irritates you on a plane or train follow these instructions: (and maybe say goodbye!).
1. Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case.
2. Remove your laptop.
3. Start up
4. Make sure the guy, who is annoying you, can see
the screen.
5. Close your eyes and tilt your head up to the
sky.
6. Then hit this link
<http://boortz.com/mp3/archive/countdown.swf>
While riding one day a cowboy
- Filed under: jokes
- Date: Feb 23,2009
While riding one day a cowboy met an Indian riding along with a dog and
a sheep and began a conversation.
Cowboy: “Hey, cool dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?”
Indian: “Dog no talk.”
Cowboy: “Hey dog, how’s it going?”
Dog: “Doin’ alright.”
Indian: Look of shock.
Cowboy: “Is this Indian your owner?” pointing at the Indian.
Dog: “Yep”
Cowboy: “How does he treat you?”
Dog: “Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me
great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play.”
Indian: Look of total disbelief.
Cowboy: “Mind if I talk to your horse?”
Indian: “Horse no talk.”
Cowboy: “Hey horse, how’s it going?”
Horse: “Cool.”
Indian: Extreme look of shock. Cowboy: “Is this your owner? Pointing at the Indian.
Horse: “Yessir”
Cowboy: How’s he treating you?
Horse: “Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes
me down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me.”
Indian: Total look of utter amazement.
Cowboy: “Mind if I talk to your sheep?”
Indian: “Sheep liar.”
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School
- Filed under: jokes
- Date: Feb 22,2009
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ”Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?” When Mary didn’t stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ”God Almighty !” shouted Mary and the teacher said, ”Very good” and Mary fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, ”Who is our Lord and Savior?” But Mary didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ”Jesus Christ!” shouted Mary and the teacher said, ”Very good,” and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ”What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ”If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I’ll break it in half!” The Teacher fainted.
