People were in their pews talking at church

• Author: admin
• Filed under: jokes
• Date: Jan 31,2009

People were in their pews talking at church. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God’s ultimate enemy was in his presence.

So Satan walked up to the old man and said, “Don’t you know who I am?”
The man replied, “Yep, sure do.”
“Aren’t you afraid of me?” Satan asked.
“Nope, sure ain’t.” said the man.
“Don’t you realize I can kill! with a word?” asked Satan.
“Don’t doubt it for a minute,” returned the old man, in an even tone.
Did you know that I could cause you profound horrifying, AGONY for all eternity?” persisted Satan.
“Yep,” was the calm reply.
“And you’re still not afraid?” asked Satan.
“Nope,” said the old man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, “Well, why aren’t you afraid of me?”

The man calmly replied,

“Been married to your sister for 44 years.”

Two Middle East mothers are sitting in the cafe strip

• Author: admin
• Filed under: political humor
• Date: Jan 30,2009

Two Middle East mothers are sitting in the cafe strip chatting
over a pint of goat’s milk.

The older of the mothers pulls her bag out and starts flipping
through pictures and they start reminiscing.

“This is my oldest son Mohammed. He’s 24 years old now”

“Yes, I remember him as a baby” says the other mother
cheerfully.

“He’s a martyr now though” mum confides.

“Oh so sad dear” says the other.

“And this is my second son Kalid. He’s 21″

“Oh, I remember him,” says the other happily, “he had such curly
hair when he was born”.

“He’s a martyr too ” says mum quietly.

“Oh gracious me …” says the other.

“And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He’s
18″, she whispers.

“Yes” says the friend enthusiastically, “I remember when he
first started school”.

“He’s a martyr also,” says mum, with tears in her eyes.

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second muslim mother looks
wistfully at the photographs and says…

“They blow up so fast, don’t they?”

A little pre St. Patty’s day humor

• Author: admin
• Filed under: jokes
• Date: Jan 29,2009

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
“Why of course,” comes the reply.

The first man then asks: “Where are you from?”
“I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man.

The first man responds: “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s have another round to Ireland.”
“Of Course,” replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks: “Where in Ireland are you from?”
“Dublin,” comes the reply.

“I can’t believe it,” says the first man. “I’m from Dublin too! Let’s have another drink to Dublin.”
“Of course,” replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: “What school did you go to?”
“Saint Mary’s,” replies the second man. “I graduated in ‘62.”

“This is unbelievable!” the first man says.
“I went to Saint Mary’s and I graduated in ‘62, too!”

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
“What’s been going on?” he asks the bartender.
“Nothing much,” replies the bartender. “The O’Malley twins are drunk again.”

Yo Mama’s So Fat 2

• Author: admin
• Filed under: jokes
• Date: Jan 28,2009

Yo Mama’s So Fat….her blood type is Ragu.
Yo Mama’s So Fat….when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn’t get a menu, she gets an estimate.
Yo Mama’s So Fat….if she got her shoes shined, she’d have to take his word for it!
Yo Mama’s So Fat….she has to put her belt on with a boomerang.
Yo Mama’s So Fat….when she turns around, people throw her a welcome back party.
Yo Mama’s So Fat….she can’t even jump to a conclusion.
Yo Mama’s So Fat….she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
Yo Mama’s So Fat….her belly button doesn’t have lint, it has sweaters.
Yo Mama’s So Fat….she was walking down the street, I swerved to miss her, and ran out of gas.

Yo Mama’s So Fat

• Author: admin
• Filed under: jokes
• Date: Jan 27,2009

Yo Mama’s So Fat….when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease the doctor gave her 13 years to live.
Yo Mama’s So Fat….when she dances she makes the band skip.
Yo Mama’s So Fat….she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
Yo Mama’s So Fat….her butt has its own congressman.
Yo Mama’s So Fat….her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
Yo Mama’s So Fat….when she goes to the zoo the elephants throw her peanuts.
Yo Mama’s So Fat….her driver’s license says “Picture continued on other side.”
Yo Mama’s So Fat….the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.
Yo Mama’s So Fat….all the restaurants in town have signs that say “Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Mama”.
Yo Mama’s So Fat….when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
Yo Mama’s So Fat….when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down.
Yo Mama’s So Fat….she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.
Yo Mama’s So Fat….she’s got smaller fat women orbiting around her.
Yo Mama’s So Fat….I had to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side.
Yo Mama’s So Fat….they had to grease a door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her through.
Yo Mama’s So Fat….her nickname is “DAAAMN!!”
Yo Mama’s So Fat….she has to iron her pants on the driveway.
Yo Mama’s So Fat….she’s on BOTH sides of the family.
Yo Mama’s So Fat….she could sell shade.
Yo Mama’s So Fat….when she crosses the street, cars look out for her.
Yo Mama’s So Fat….people jog around her for exercise.