- Author: admin
- Filed under: jokes
- Date: Nov 30,2008
It was Saturday morning, I got up early, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed
the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage to hook up the boat for the
fishing, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The rain was coming down sideways and the wind was blowing 80 kph. I
pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio and discovered that the
weather would be bad throughout the day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
bed.
There I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation
and whispered, “the weather out there is terrible!”
Sleepily she replied “Can you believe my stupid husband is out there
fishing.”
- Author: admin
- Filed under: limericks
- Date: Nov 29,2008
(Who said Newfies aren’t romantic?)
Of course I love’s ya darlin’
Yur a bloody top-notch bird
And when I say’s yur gorgeous
I mean’s every single word
So ya bum is on da big side
(I don’t mind a bit of flab)
It means dat when I’m ready
Dere’s sometin’ there ta grab
So yur belly isn’t flat no more
I tell ya, I don’t care
So long as when I cuddle ya
I can get my arms round dere.
No woman who is your age
Has nice round perky breasts
They just gave in ta gravity
But I know ya did da best.
So I’m tellin ya da trute,
(Ya know I never tells ya lies)
I think it’s very sexy
Ya got dimples on yur thighs.
I swear on me grannies grave now
Da moment dat we met
I tot ya was as good a girl
as I was ever gonna get.
No matter wot ya look like
I’ll always love ya dear
Now shut up while da hockey’s on
And fetch anoder beer. 
- Author: admin
- Filed under: jokes
- Date: Nov 27,2008
Two guys from Flatbush, Sal and Tommy, are hunting in the woods. Suddenly, Tommy grabs his chest, lets out a loud gasp, and crumbles to the ground. He twitches a little and goes limp.
Sal bends over his friend. “Tommy? Tommy? Hey! Are you dead or what?” He whips out his cell phone and calls the paramedics. “Yo! My friend Tommy, he, like, keeled over and he’s freaking dead! Right here in front of me, he just drops dead!”
“Calm down, sir,” the paramedic replies. “Let’s not panic. First, we want to make sure that your friend really is dead.”
The paramedic hears a strange clicking sound followed by a sharp gunshot. Then Sal gets back on the phone. “Okay, now what?”
- Author: admin
- Filed under: jokes
- Date: Nov 26,2008
Clyde the Newfie died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly and the morgue needed someone to identify the body. So they sent for his two best friends, Danny and Joey.
Danny went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Danny said, “Yees b’ye he’s burnt pretty bad. Roll him over.” So the mortician rolled him over and Danny looked down and said “Nope, it ain’t Clyde.”
The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Joey in to identify the body and Joey took a look at him and said, “Yees bye, he’s burnt real bad. Roll him over. The Mortician rolled him over and Joey looked down and said ” No, it ain’t Clyde.”
The mortician asked, “How can you tell?” Joey said, “Well, Clyde had two rectal orifices.”
“What? He had two rectal orifices?” said the mortician. “Yees bye, everyone in town knew he had two rectal orifices. Every time the three of us went to town, folks would say, “Here comes Clyde with them two rectal orifices.”
- Author: admin
- Filed under: jokes
- Date: Nov 25,2008
A Newfoundlander living in Toronto decided to visit the Scarborough zoo. While there, he saw a man with an elephant act. The man claimed the elephant could look at a person and tell that person’s age. The Newfie was very skeptical and said so, in no uncertain terms. The trainer had the elephant look at a small boy, and the elephant stamped its foot 9 times. Is that right?” he asked the boy. “Oh yes,” the boy said. The Newfie was very loud in expressing his disbelief so the man asked the elephant to tell the ages of several other people, and each time the elephant stamped his foot, the people said he was correct. The Newfie got even louder and more abusive toward the man. Finally, the trainer could take it no longer, and offered to bet the Newfie that the elephant could look at him and tell him his age. The Newfie accepted the wager. The elephant looked very closely at the skeptical Newfie, then turned around, raised his tail and broke wind like you wouldn’t believe. Then he stomped his foot twice. The Newfie stumbled back, amazed, and with a sound of disbelief in his voice, cried, “Lard tunderin’ Jaysus b’y, he’s right… …… I’m farty-two.
