- Author: admin
- Filed under: jokes
- Date: Oct 31,2008
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna’s heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, “Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself right after you saved him with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.”
Edna replied “He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?”
- Author: admin
- Filed under: jokes
- Date: Oct 30,2008
Einstein climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.
Looking up, he asks the Lord… “God, what does a million years mean to you?”
The Lord replies, “A minute.”
“Einstein asks, “And what does a million dollars mean to you?”
The Lord replies, “A penny.”
Einstein asks, “Can I have a penny?”
The Lord replies, “In a minute.”
- Author: admin
- Filed under: jokes
- Date: Oct 29,2008
A blonde woman named Brandi finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she’s in serious financial trouble. She’s so desperate that she decides to ask God for help.
She begins to pray…”God, please help me. I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto.” Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Brandi again prays “God, please let me win the lotto! I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m going to lose my car as well.”
Lotto night comes and Brandi still has no luck.
Once again, she prays…”My God, why have you forsaken me? I’ve lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don’t often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order.”
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Brandi is confronted by the voice of God Himself: “Brandi, You’ve got to meet me halfway on this. You have to buy a ticket.”
- Author: admin
- Filed under: jokes
- Date: Oct 27,2008
LEWINSKY VIRUS
sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did.
MIKE TYSON VIRUS
quits after one byte
OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS
your 300mb hard drive suddenly shrinks to 100mb and then slowly expands to 200mb.
DR. JACK KEVORKAIN VIRUS
deletes all old files.
TITANIC VIRUS
your whole computer goes down.
DISNEY VIRUS
everything in your computer goes goofy
PROZAC VIRUS
screws up your ram, but your processor doesn’t care.
JOEY BUTTAFUCCO VIRUS
only attacks minor files
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS
terminates some files, leaves, but it’ll be back.
LORENA BOBBIT VIRUS
turns your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy.
VIAGRA VIRUS
turns your 3.5 inch floppy into a hard drive
- Author: admin
- Filed under: jokes
- Date: Oct 26,2008
Three blondes are stuck on a deserted island, when one of them finds a lamp on the beach. She picks it up and gives it a little rub and a genie pops out. The genie looks at the three blondes and says, “I normally give three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant each of you one wish.”
Well, the first blonde is sick and tired of being on the island, so she wishes to go back home. POOF!! She disappears.
The second one said she, too, is tired of the island, and wishes to go home. POOF!! She too disappears.
The genie then turns to the last blonde and asks her what her wish is. “Gee,” she says,” I’m awfully lonely here by myself. I wish my friends were still here …”
