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Top 10 Ways to Tell Someone Their Zipper is Down

10. The cucumber has left the salad.
9. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.
8. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.
7. Paging Mr. Johnson…Paging Mr. Johnson..
6. Elvis is leaving the building.
5. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.
4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction.
3. You’ve got a security breach at Los Pantaloons.
2. Men may be From Mars…but I can see something that rhymes with Venus.

And the#1 way to tell someone his zipper is unzipped…
1. I always knew you were crazy, but now I can see your nuts.


What is the Definition of Recursion?

re·cur·sion (rĭ-kûr’zhən)
N.
See “Recursion”

Heeheehehee :D


For Those Who Appreciate Napoleon Dynamite


RaPUNzel

Fair Ladies and Noble Gentlemen:

I, RaPUNzel, have a HAIR-raising tale to SHEAR with you
written by the Brothers TRIMM.

When I was a young CURL, a jealous queen LOCKed me in a
tower.

I was STRANDed and was at my SPLITS END — truly a damsel in
THESE TRESSES!

The queen thought it was a PERMANENT SOLUTION but, day after
day, knight after knight would try to climb the tower, which
was so tall the FOLLICLE you!

They would climb my BRAID, and if they weren’t so handsome,
I would give them the BRUSH off.

Gee, I wonder if that’s where I got my reputation for being
such a big TEASE.

One day, a handsome knight named Prince LATHERRINSE tried to
rescue me.

He was HEAD & SHOULDERS above the rest.

I said, “COMB and SHAVE me!”

The queen found out about it and cut off my hair.

And let me tell you, Hell hath no fury as a woman SHORNED!

She’ll have Hell TOUPEE because I am not someone to TANGLE
with.

Prince Latherrinse WISPed me away and we got married and had
twins.

But, we didn’t live happily ever after because he placed too
many CONDITIONERS on our marriage, which were really
CRIMPING my STYLE.

So, we PARTED ways and a custody battle ensued.

It came down to SPLITTING HAIRS (heirs) so he took one twin
and I took the other.

So, now I don’t date princes anymore because I don’t want a
LATHER RINSE REPEAT… (read the shampoo label).

And I’ve gotten back to my ROOTS by changing my hair from
BLONDE to brown and this new color is to DYE for.

After all, BRUNETTES have more pun.

Well, that’s the LONG AND SHORT of my HAIRY tale.

I bid you all ADO!


TGIF

A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a
scapegoat.

Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get
appointed as an assistant professor. It is for a woman
schlemiel to get as quickly promoted as a male schlemiel.
—Bella Abzug, US Politician

A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting
in the bathroom saying to himself, “How can I tell my wife that
I’ve got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink?
I’ve managed to keep it from her while we dated, but she’s
bound to find out sooner or later.”

Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself,
“How do I tell my husband that I’ve got really bad breath? I’ve
been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting,
but as soon as he’s lived with me for a week, he’s bound to
find out.”

The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife
and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed,
puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to
hers and says, “Darling, I’ve a confession to make.”

And she says, “So have I, love.”

To which he replies, “Don’t tell me, you’ve eaten my socks.”


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