Halloween Costumes Gone Bad
- Filed under: Uncategorized
- Date: Sep 28,2005
The Truth
- Filed under: Uncategorized
- Date: Sep 27,2005
1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint to toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
4) You’ve never quite sure whether it’s ok to eat green crisps.
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80’s has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
6) Reading when you’re drunk is horrible.
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
Your never quite sure whether it’s against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
10) Nobody ever dares make cup a soup in a bowl.
11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
24) You never ever run out of salt.
25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
26) You can’t respect a man who carries a dog.
27) There’s no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you’ve got your hand or head stuck in something.
28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
31) People who don’t drive slam car doors too hard
32) You’ve turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
Silly Puns
- Filed under: Uncategorized
- Date: Sep 27,2005
1. A bicycle can’t stand alone because it is two-tyred.
2. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
3. A backward poet writes inverse.
4. In democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism it’s your count that votes.
5. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
6. If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
7. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
8. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
9. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
10. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
11. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
12. When you’ve seen one shopping centre, you’ve seen a mall
13. Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
14. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
15. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
Dilbert says :
- Filed under: Uncategorized
- Date: Sep 27,2005
1. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either
2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go by
3. Tell me what you need and I’ll tell you how to get along without it
4. Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue
5. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren’t there thefirst time chances are you won’t be needing them again
6. I don’t have an attitude problem you have a perception problem
7. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself where the heck is the ceiling?
8. My reality check bounced
9. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key
10. I don’t suffer from stress, I am a carrier
11. You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanutbutter
12. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup
13. Everybody is somebody else’s weirdo
14. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience
15. A pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a kick in the butt
16. Don’t be irreplaceable - if you can’t be replaced you can’t be promoted
17. After any salary rise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before
18. The more c**p you put up with, the more c**p you are going to get
19. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard
20. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day
21. People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn’t
22. If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would ever get done
23. When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried
24. Following the rules will not get the job done
25. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easilyby reducing it to the question “How would the Lone Ranger handle this?”
