- Author: admin
- Filed under: jokes
- Date: Sep 13,2011
I was in the pub the other night telling the old joke about
“what do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath?,
throw in your washing!”,
we were all having a good laugh
about this when someone tapped me on the shoulder
and said “excuse me mate but I don’t find that funny. My brother
was an epileptic and he died in the bath during a fit”
“I’m ever so sorry mate”, I said, “did he drown?”
“No”, replied the man, “he choked on a sock”
- Author: admin
- Filed under: jokes
- Date: Sep 4,2011
A large Humpback whale is lazily enjoying a beautiful day when he sees a female Humpback whale just a little ways off, and he thinks to himself that he’s going to try to impress her…
He swims over to her, and breeches the surface, showing off the large hump on his back.
She looked unimpressed as she breached and showed a larger more well formed hump herself.
Now, a little embarrassed, he tries again to impress her by taking a breath and blowing a huge cloud of mist and water with a really nice rainbow in it.
Once again she looked unimpressed and she blew a larger cloud of mist, with a more beautiful rainbow.
Now clearly agitated, the Male sees a Navel vessel in the distance and races off toward it. Just before he collides with the ship, he dives, jumps out of the water and as he sails over the bow of the ship, he plucks a sailor off the deck and in one gulp swallows him whole!
He swam back to her very proud of himself, only to find the female object of his attentions with a disgusted look on her face…
As she swam off she said…”I’ll Hump, I’ll Blow, BUT I WON’T SWALLOW SEAMEN!
- Author: admin
- Filed under: jokes
- Date: Aug 25,2011
A pirate and his parrot, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a valiant battle. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, the pirate stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a Genie came forth. This particular Genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving any thought to the matter the pirate blurted out, “Make the entire ocean into rum!” The Genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest rum ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the Genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of rum on the hull broke the stillness as the two considered their circumstances
The parrot looked disgustedly at the pirate and after a tension-filled moment spoke: “Now yee’ve done it!! Now we’re goon to have to pee in the boat!”
- Author: admin
- Filed under: jokes
- Date: Aug 23,2011
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s License to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application..
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office…
She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.’
And that’s how the fight started…
- Author: admin
- Filed under: jokes
- Date: Aug 20,2011
A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend “You won’t believe what happened. I was taking a short cut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to it. I untied her, and then we had sex over and over again, all the positions, everything.
His friend replies, “That’s great: did you get a blow job?”
Oh, no: I never found her head.
