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The Pope and Tiger Woods

  • Author: admin
  • Filed under: jokes
  • Date: Mar 11,2010

The Pope and Tiger Woods die on the same day and because of an
administrative mix up the Pope went to Hell and Tiger Woods went to
Heaven.

The Pope explains the situation to the administrative clerk in Hell,
and after checking the paperwork admits that there is an error.

“However”, the clerk explains, “it would be 24 hours before it can be
rectified”.

Next day the Pope is called and Hell’s staff bids him farewell.

On the way up, the Pope meets Tiger Woods coming down from Heaven and
they stop to have a chat.

“Sorry about the mix up”, apologizes the Pope.

“No problem” replied Tiger Woods.

Pope: “I am really anxious to get to Heaven”

Tiger: “Why is that?”

Pope: “All my life I have wanted to meet the Virgin Mary”

Tiger: “You’re a day late.”


Bear Removal

  • Author: admin
  • Filed under: jokes
  • Date: Feb 1,2010
A man woke up one morning to find a bear on his roof so he looked in the yellow pages and sure enough, there’s an ad for “Bear Removers..”

He called the number, and the bear remover says he’ll be over in 30 minutes.

The bear remover arrived and got out of his van.

He’s got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.

“What are you going to do,” the homeowner asked?

“I’m going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I’m going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go.

The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van.”

He handed the shotgun to the homeowner.

“What’s the shotgun for?” asked the homeowner.

“If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the fu**ing dog.”



Hot Biker Chicks

So…which is it? The right chick or the left one that gets you the hottest? :D

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Dear Tech Support:

  • Author: admin
  • Filed under: jokes
  • Date: Jan 15,2010

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities, such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Going To The Pub 7.5, and Softball 3.6

I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my other favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Thanks,
Troubled User…..
________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men often complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge, the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings: Alimony-Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application Yes Dear 2.7 to alleviate your program problems.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE!
because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance! Wife 1.0 does come with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5, and Do Bills 4.2

However, be very careful how you use these programs . Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to YOUR hardware!

Best of luck,
Tech Support


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